Friday, November 16, 2012

My Own Tragedy

Been a while since last time I wrote a blog, wasn’t in the mood for writing as I lost inspiration, or in other word I had nothing to talk about really,

Previous Months, weeks, and days, I was suffering from a massive mood swings, been trying to figure what I truly want,

In the beginning of October I was so motivated in running every single day , subscribing on weight watcher , and had everything planned , went to the health club every day , but unfortunately my motivation didn’t last much , by the 15th of October I stopped going replacing the gym or the yoga session with hanging out with my friends ,

I simply discovered today that I stopped and chosen to be around people because simply I am feeling lonely , and I want to be surrounded with people I love the most to get some inspiration to talk to have our singing loudly in the car sessions .

I am simply homesick to a place that never existed , trapped in a story where I think I’d have an end to it ,but not realizing that I am the author am the creator , I am the one who thinks there is something real about it .

You know when you feel there is still unfinished business with some one ,

You know when you feel you are weirdly attached to a person who aren’t there for you anymore

You know when you feel you hate someone but you still love him in the same time ,

You know when you feel you want them back, but you won’t take a step forward because you know they’ll let you down,

You know when you feel that a person betrayed you; let you down, but still feel they are clean,

You know when how feels when you see someone who seems to be them, your heart suddenly beats up, then you realize it’s not him , with a stupid on your face .

Have you ever been in a middle of a million things and all of sudden for a moment you remember something nice they did to you ,

Have you ever had this person, that really breaks your heart in to pieces but you still know that if they said sorry you’d be opening a new page of trust for them.

Have you ever had this person that messes you life upside down , and leave you with million unanswered questions ,

Have you ever felt that you want hit someone so bad , but in the same time you can’t , because what hurt them hurt you back ,

That’s my own tragedy ,, more blogs to be written on that

Thursday, August 2, 2012

I Need A Hug

At My Today break at work i was on google as always reading articles ; i wrote whats on my mind which is " I need Hug " read 3 articles and 2 blogs about why people love hugs and why , and the bellow is one of the articles i really liked for today .

About a year ago, I stumbled across a YouTube video showing two guys and a girl holding up signs that said “Free Hugs” in the middle of a crowded downtown street. I’ll admit, my initial reaction was, “What if they have bed bugs?!” (Sadly, that’s what happens when you live in a city with an infestation problem.) But the more I watched, the more I wished I was on that street getting some hug action. Everyone on the receiving end, even those who approached tentatively, walked away with big, grateful smiles.
What is it about hugs that make them so stress-relieving, even when they come from complete strangers? When we’re feeling low, getting a gentle squeeze provides comfort like nothing else. There are even therapeutic practices centered on hugging. When it comes to our health, turns out the best thing we can do is open our arms.
A Hug a Day Keeps the Doctor Away
Though humans are inherently social, we shy away from physical contact in this country. Compared to other cultures, we tend to be hyper aware of personal space, offering a handshake instead of a kiss on the cheek and keeping a certain amount of distance between us and those we converse with. Unfortunately, the lack of touch in our lives is detrimental to our well-being. We need physical contact to feel connected to something other than ourselves and to feel a little less alone, especially in times of need. But when we’re stressed out or sad, we turn to a number of other coping mechanisms instead, like eating comfort food, getting a drink at the bar, and tuning out in front of the TV.
If you wonder about the social acceptability of hugging, just imagine asking your coworker or neighbor for one at the end of a tough day. In fact, countless studies have proven that hugging lowers stress levels and improves moods better than most things. A study at the University of North Carolina found that levels of cortisol, the hormone produced when we’re under stress, were significantly lowered (particularly in women) when subjects hugged their partners for at least twenty seconds.
Researchers from the University of Carolina study also found that hugging instigates an elevated release of oxytocin, which is known as the “bonding” or “cuddle” hormone and prompts loving and caring feelings. Some studies have shown that it also reduces blood pressure. Another study that took place in 2000 showed that hugging babies while they were given blood tests made them cry less and kept their heart rates steadier. Both elevated levels of cortisol and high blood pressure have been linked to various diseases, including heart disease, so not only does hugging feel great, it’s good for our hearts, too.
Taking Hugs to the Streets
Several therapies have been developed around the healing properties of touch and embraces. Healing Touch International, Inc. is a non-profit that claims to treat maladies like stress, depression, and physical pain through practitioners placing their hands above or lightly on patients as they lie on a table. A man named Steve Maher came up with a practice called the Ecstatic Embrace, which involves ninety-minute hugging sessions and is supposed to increase self-esteem and happiness. For those who want hug therapy in the privacy of their homes, there’s a product called Teddy Warm Heart. Teddy is a small stuffed bear with an inner device that heats up and warms those who hug him.
There are also those who apply the therapeutic values of hugging on smaller scales, such as the man who began the Free Hugs Campaign that spawned the aforementioned YouTube video. And would you believe people come from all over the world to get a hug from an Indian woman? Amma, which means “mother” in Malayalam (her language), has hugged well over twenty-five million people since she started traveling the globe and opening her arms to others. She’s known to some as the hugging saint and donates her time and money to numerous charities. I learned about her through a coworker who waited in line for almost two hours with an estimated 2,000 other people to receive a hug. People even brought Hershey’s Kisses for her to bless so that when they felt depressed later, they could eat a Kiss and feel better—like a sweet blessing to go.
My coworker isn’t a follower of Amma’s (a friend brought her along), so the way she felt about the hug—simply that it was “soft and warm”—is probably different from her companions. But whether you buy into the power of her hugs or the success rates of movements like the Free Hugs Campaign, there’s no denying that their existence and popularity suggest that we’re just not getting the amount we need in our daily lives. And what’s even more sad is that some of them might feel more comfortable getting a hug from a stranger than turning to the people in their own lives.
Psychologist Virginia Satir once said, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.” I don’t know about you, but according to her, I’m severely deficient. Many of us invest plenty of time and energy in eating right, exercising, and taking care of ourselves, but in terms of getting our daily doses of physical touch, I bet almost as many are slacking. Everyone talks about eating an apple a day for optimum wellness, but maybe we should think about reaching out for a hug a day instead. It just might be the most economical health and mood booster out there—it doesn’t cost a thing and the benefits, like a brighter day and a stronger heart, are priceless.
By Vicki Santillano for Divine Caroline

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Cheers for all women out there.. Be strong

Today to work I saw and experienced one weird situation , was driving at my everyday way to work , listening to my music , then I noticed that there is two cars in front of me is messing around a blue jeep full of boys or you can name them ass holes , and a girl unveiled driving a red car , they was throwing at her garbage from the can , and taking pictures of her , with her trying to escape I monitored closely what’s happening and all of the sudden they hit the girls car from the back , my blood pressure boiled , I felt an adrenaline rush all over my body , I speeded , I was I was in the middle then I took a drift with me stopping the jeep car . for a second I thought they could kill me then I said fuck it, I went out side the car I told them “what is your matter you people” the girl stopper her car and came standing next to me shoulder by shoulder look at them Eye to Eye , people who saw what was happening came running all the way after us stopped and they started saying bad words and then the crowd started fighting with them .. Guess what they went to the car and ran with there cars.. The girl thanked me and said they would have killed me... Thanks and she hugged me and asking for my number for us to be friends...   Yes we are women who are entitled to be fragile, but we are not weak we can stand and look fear in the eye,

I knew a long time ago that I am a feminist, but never was in a situation where I can fight for another women right. She is un veiled that’s something she chosen and no one has the right to do any harm to her because she Is not covering her hair... she could be better than million veiled ones.. Every woman should feel safe in what ever proper thing she is wearing and society has to accept it. Men have to stop treating women as a sexual organ..

No man has the strength to look a inside a women eye ; he betrayed or even done any thing bad to her, they got no strength to do so.. They got no power to say sorry, even when they know they mistaken a big time...
Cheers for all women out there.. Be strong, always stand and look to fear in the eye..

I will share a story i love my self

A little boy asked his mother, “Why are you crying?”
“Because I need to” she said.
… … “I don’t understand,” he said.
His mother just hugged him and said, “And you never will.”
Later the little boy asked his father, “Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?”
“All women cry for no reason,” his dad answered carelessly.
The little boy, still wondering why women cry, finally asked the old wise shaikh (scholar). “He surely knows the answer”, he thought.
“Ya Shaikh! Why do women cry so easily?”
The Shaikh answered:
“When Allah made the woman she had to be special. He made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.
He gave an inner strength to endure both childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.
He gave her a toughness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.
He gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child hurts her badly.
He gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. He gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.
And lastly, He gave her a tear. This is hers and only hers exclusively to use whenever she needs it. She needs no reason, no explanation, its hers.
You see my son, the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the beauty of her face, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is her piety and must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart – the place where love resides.”
“This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous women.”
-(Sahih Muslim )

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Be Happy

I couldn’t wake up at time today , I kept hearing the alarm singing and singing and I kept snoozing and snoozing ,once my teacher Chantal one of the people who influenced my character once told me” Nemo , You Snooze You Lose ”. I was really tired I went to wash my face my eyes was swollen , I kept on staring on my face saying who are you , then I replied back a women who is entitled to build her self , and kick A** ,
Prepared my self to go do some business , I drove my lovely car who every one look at it as if its old piece but i was always in love with her .. She is my secret keeper I live in it 50% of my day..
My friend called me in the morning saying “Nermo, the new Job I am applying for need me to recommend a dearest friend of mine as a reference can I write your name my old friend “
She added a smile on my face its nice to be called Old friend its one of the greatest titles I ever had,, I love my friends all of them a amazing people every one has his or her own Beauty .
Lately I wasn’t that active at all , I was silly felt so old because I had no power , when I though about its not a physical power that move people , its not there muscular ability that achieve victories its your spiritual power its your emotional power its your will . and unfortunately lately I have been focusing on what brings me down spiritually and emotionally ,
The Holly month of Ramadan is coming I will be preparing my self for a time to nurture my spiritual seeds and develop a better inner soil as I feel empty I rarely pray , not because I don’t want to pray but because I am not spiritually motivated , I don’t know what’s the hell I am waiting for , but I’ll work really hard the upcoming days to cure my soul with praying . I see praying as a mindset not just a language or a belief , when you do good you feel good , when you feel good you act good , when you love people and do them good , God will bring in your life those who take a helping hand . That’s the way things goods.
I should create me, I should learn how to be attached to God, life isn’t about finding your self, and Life is about creating your self.
Today while I was driving I was remembering those friends I lost over the past years , I was thinking about those moments of happiness , those opportunities I missed , those goodbyes I never said , I find my self giving million reasons to my self to be sad , then I said to my self “ The Reason why people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better that it was , The present worse than it is , and the future less resolved than it will be .. hell No the past is not that amazing , Those people who is not their any more aren’t worse it honey , present will seems better if you chosen to see it better, better opportunities  is ahead if you just be little more patient  , and future will be fruitful as long as you do you homework good today . .
And in the end of the day I believe we never really learn from the 1st mistake or the second mistake , or the third , its only hits us when we’ve given the last chance .
Who Ever is reading This , Just Smile and enjoy your morning . Cheers

Tuesday, June 26, 2012


Timing is everything, even in love. And when you are not ready to commit, you could end up regretting it. Sometimes, timing rather than love decides who we end up being with or without.

Only some lucky people marry the loves of their lives. The rest marry the most suitable person who comes along when they are ready to settle down and the problem arise when you start comparing first touch , first hug , first kiss.

Even if the love of one's life appears when one is single, one may not be in the right frame of mind to recognize him or her as such.

And then love passes by.

Life is littered with near misses and lost opportunities.
We don’t get the understand what we really want unless it’s taken away from us.
We don’t get to love what we have in hand unless its In someone’s else hand, weird we humans we never satisfied, we are never total convinced unless its gone.
Is it our nature that we never understand unless we lose the chance then we give our selves an excuse of calling it experience.
Do we get the chances by luck of sometimes our destiny is right in front our eyes and we just miss it , do we really what they call brain ,,
I am not attached to the past , I am just thinking why things is working out to a certain way that we don’t understand , and I am totally sure that God gives us all the options we are just so blind to see what’s right and what’s wrong we have the power of the choice and we just screw everything up ,
I can remember one day I wrote about someone I used to have in the past “what I have with him is worth it, it is worth every lonely night, every tear i cry from missing him, and the pain I feel from not having him close, it is worth it because he is my one and only, when I picture my self years from now, I see only him. No matter how painful distance can be, not having him in my life would be worse”
I can remember that one day I wrote to him a text saying “ just the thought of being with you tomorrow is enough to get me through today ”

Guess what its over because it was a matter of choice that its over because it didn’t seem right ,
I’m not really sure if it was the love of my life or what , I don’t know if I will still get to feel the first touch I had , the first holding hand ,,,
All I know that I am not the one to be blamed , I was real , I wasn’t playing games , I wasn’t lying , My feeling was certain and right ..
At some point you’d have to let go of the past peacefully , with out hate without being ashamed of if , that what I always do , I remember the good day I had and the bad days , I remember the good moments and the inspiring seconds , the moments when I cried my self to sleep and hours of happiness ,,
Love your self , don’t miss your destiny and follow the signs , that’s my secrets tools for happiness ..

Let Go of it peacefully ,
Don’t forget to put on a smile J

Monday, June 18, 2012

Discovering Happiness

Me opening my eyes but its not late , jumped out of the bed ran to water boiler switched it on , and huge noise was out calling “ hey stupid I am empty” I added water I was hungry I don’t know why I opened the fridge got  out the plate of salad ate some and said “ you got to be kidding , when will you stop being on diet” with me saying to my self “ Shut the fuck up, till you fucken lose weight ” , Its always 2 voices talking inside of me the lazy , not motivated and the hyperactive crazy , enthusiastic voice .
Took my morning bath , and again there is no hot water , no one in the home to fix it but me and my little dogs , I was thinking how life and God was so fair with me lately ; because simply I am looking at things from different scope , lately I was so angry , I hate my self , I hated a lot of people who did me no good , but you know what  I discovered that i am wrong ,

I shouldn’t be angry because it doesn’t worth it, I discovered that I am really nice person and I should be love the way I am because I been seeing me alone out talking to my self, being sarcastic and nice to my self and for those people who made me no good, actually they made me realize how I am better off without them and they made me re-evaluate my self frankly.

Lately I am so happy because I got back to an old friend who I really loved in my childhood, we use to play a lot, swim all day, jump in to the pool for hours and hours, we use to take moon tan we thought when we was young that “since sun makes your skin darker, moon makes us lighter “and we use to lay back with eyes closed taking moon tan .. using each other soap, towels, sand forks ,shampoo , rid bicycles , playing on the sand , building castles , GOOD OLD DAYS when the biggest problem back then was not be able to watch our favorite kids movie ..

The girl is so nice, we laugh a lot, we talk a lot we fight a lot over those small things and we agree and disagree , but we are never mad from one another, she is a little bit crazy and naïve in a lot of things but she grew old to be strong, bold and crazy and that what I love about her , even we stopped seeing each other for years;  promptly we was back on track , singing loudly in the car, driving madly on high ways , hearing house music day dreaming with beats , acting as we don’t give a fuck about any thing , I hate her when she closes her mind for options and just stop thinking , and when  her voice is very loud when she is fighting on the phone .. But I love her and I accept her the way she is, I won‘t try to change her.
I really don’t understand a lot of things happening and I don’t understand timing , she was back in my life in a time I was so not me in it , and then things happened not good in her life and I am there for her and she is there for me  , I don’t understand if that’s destiny or ones choice .. People who I though that life will never take from me are the people who is not their any more and the people who I though will never be in my life any more are the ones who in it now... Weird, common sense is very uncommon.
Lately I learnt a lot; I noticed that the true power is grounded by spiritual awareness. It comes from trusting your inner wisdom standing your ground and speaking the truth,
I have discovered that happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried, those who only appreciate the importance of people who touched their life.

I am now fully convinced that until you’re ready to look foolish, you’ll never have the possibility of being great.
Also lately I was dissatisfied with my job , looking only on negative thoughts till yesterday I was reading an article about women who made a huge success in business , if you don’t know Van Wang she is the world best wedding dress designer you can’t look bad in any of there amazing work of art . She said in the report “Don’t be afraid to take time to learn, it’s good to work for other people, I worked for other people for 20 years, they paid me to learn”... She made me take a deep breath and say to my self “Honey!! Take it easy, what you want won’t come easily, it would take time and balls”.

Also I’m convinced that one of the greatest titles we can have is "old friend". We never appreciate how important old friends are until we are older. The problem is we need to start our old friendships when we are young. We then have to nurture and grow those friendships over our middle age when a busy life and changing geographies can cause us to neglect those friends. Today is the day to invest in those people we hope will call us 'old friend" in the years to come..
 Don’t for het to put on a smile
Quote of the day

Sunday, June 17, 2012

I feel pretty, oh so pretty

I opened my eyes ,  I looked at the alarm clock , its said “ hey stupid wake the fuck up because its 8:15” I cursed my name , I ran out side the bed ran to the kitchen put the boiler on , sent to the bathroom took a shower with me screaming again only cold water is available “ I said okay I can do this , my heart was pumping was freaking cold .. ran to the room dressed , rushed to the kitchen made my coffee , and a cheese sandwich looked at the watch it was already 9:15 my inner me “ when the hell you will be back on track ”. then I replied back “ soon when the light is turned on again ”  I looked at my car side mirror with me shocked “ my mouth was just like Pamela Anderson as if I made a filler with Botox “ what the fuck “ and shit !!! it freaking hurts , I panicked then I remembered that the stupid me ate hazelnut which I am allergic from and again my mouth swollen I can’t even talk properly .. Okay let’s sing

I feel pretty, oh so pretty
I feel pretty, and witty and gay
And I pity any girl who isn't me today

I feel charming, oh so charming
It's alarming how charming I feel
And so pretty that I hardly can believe I'm real

See the pretty girl in that mirror there?
Who can that attractive girl be?
Such a pretty face, such a pretty dress
Such a pretty smile, such a pretty me!

I feel stunning and entrancing
Feel like running and dancing for joy
For I'm loved by a pretty, wonderful boy!

Have you met my good friend maria?
The craziest girl on the block
You'll know her the minute you see her
She's the one who is in an advanced state of shock
She thinks she's in love she thinks she's in spain(la la la)
She isn't in love, she's merely insane
It must be the heat
Or some rare desease(la la la)
Or to much to eat
Or maybe its fleas
Keep away from her!
Send for chino!
This is not the Maria we know
Modest and pure
Polite and refined (la la la)
Well-bred and mature
And out of her mind!

I feel pretty, oh so pretty, that the city should give me its key!
A comitee, should be organized to honour me
I feel dizzy
I feel sunny
I feel fizzy and funny and fine!
And so pretty
Miss america can just resign(Girls:la la la la la la la la la la, lala!)
See the pretty girl in that mirror there?

Okay now what I still feel my lips hurt, but I know it won’t last long lts look at the fact that its sexy and I am confident in my own skin and guess what ‘ I don’t care ‘ ..

This is me , when I am sad I sing , when I am about to cry I laugh my self out , guess what I will never change .. I will be the crazy young women who dance , laugh , sing , sometimes cry for no good reason , who mess around who will travel alone and still feels that she has the best company ever , who will work her ass off every single day to prove to the world that she fucken can do it by her self …

Been suffering lately from dissatisfaction in the work place so when I went to my office I started goggling articles and tips to get back the spark as I miss me being energetic the work place ,

Do you remember last time you was in a date or in love you were happy you started to get ready hours earlier than you normally do before getting dressed ,

You was so focused on little details , you was happy you was light and felt good , do u remember your first day at work when u waked up earlier dressed up so tidy and wanted to get that professional look .

In many ways, a new job is like a love affair. The first stage is excitement. It can last from an hour to many years. You think to yourself, “This job will pay me more money than I’ve ever earned before. The clients will be wonderful to deal with. I’m going to learn so much and do really exciting things.” The novelty of the job keeps your energy high. You are happy because you are so productive, and you’re more productive because you are so happy.
Then the second stage, reality, sets in. You still enjoy the work you do, but you begin to notice some of the irritants and difficulties. It bothers you that all the phones are ringing when you walk in the door. Deadlines seem endless and impossible. It becomes harder to arrive early or stay late. The novelty starts to wear off. And, like love, your job has a third stage too disillusion.

Jobs, as in love, it’s very important for the pendulum to swing back. You need to work to regain the exhilaration of the first stage. Such excitement is essential to a fulfilling life. Think about what you did to keep the thrill in your love life. Maybe the two of you relived your first date at that little country restaurant, or you thought to thank your loved one for being kind and generous. In short, you remembered to see the person you first fell in love with.
Apply this same technique to your career. Rekindle the thrill you felt when you first began your job. You must have had good reasons for taking it. What were they? Make a list of them, and expect to experience those joys again in your daily routine.
Begin each day with a smile. Anticipate having a productive, stimulating day. Isn’t that how you used to come to work in the morning? If you really expect to be productive, I guarantee that almost nothing can stop you. Here are some practical staying-in-love techniques:
Have a good breakfast to give you the energy and protein, which you so badly need first thing in the morning.
Dress with as much pride and attention to detail as you did on your first day of work.
Start each day with motivated people who talk about the good things in their lives. Once a week or so, take the initiative to get up a little earlier and go to breakfast with some of these people. I’m a member of a group that does just that. It’s a very special way to start the day.
Get to work as early as you can and spend some quiet time settling in before everyone else arrives. If this is hard, offer yourself some small personal reward. (Mine is that first lingering cup of coffee, all alone, while opening my very exciting email.)
 Don't forget to have a nice day with a smile :)

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Eat , Pray , & love

I am at my desk  at work , was active in the morning I finished everything I had to do in a matter of hours and I was reading an amazing book for Elizabeth Gilbert “Eat, pray and love “ and I decided I would buy another book by her called Committed ,
In the book I really felt someone is saying my ideas my emotions my point of view except from the part that she went to Italy , India and Indonesia searching for  happiness for the peace of mind .
Recently I suffered from a breakup , not really a breakup because there was nothing to be broken in the whole story but my little heart over this nice man who I really liked, who would look at your eyes and see through you, who I respected so much, loved so much, trusted so much, who was so generous and caring but guess what he is mentally mad and ugly, one day he miss me the second day sorry I can’t complete my life with you now maybe later but not now,
i won't say he is bad but he is not good either and its not to be shared here , atleaset i'll try to keep this sad story for me .
 My mistake was that I forgotten all the pain that he left the first time acted as an angel who would just forget what mean people do and just again and again be nice to them .. I am so sorry for my self.. The weird this I am a clever young women who rarely doesn’t use her mind but guess what I never used my mind  with this guy even once, my heart was happy and my instinct was right I danced with the flow but I flipped on my leg afterwards .
One night after a long conversation over the phone, I won’t go to personal over here , I was crying and crying I kept asking GOD , why , and how come , and so many questions I was repeating then I kept saying GOD help me , help me , help me , help me with my eyes so closed on the floor of my room it was dark late at night , I kept repeating saying Dear God I am your little girl ,you put this person in my life and now you are taking him again why , with repeating help , help .. then all of a sudden the tears stopped, I stopped talking , I took my self up from the floor , but I felt it wasn’t  the sad me something I didn’t understand a wisdom voice that was speaking inside of me with my own tone of voice with my own speech , “Grab your self up little baby girl , you deserve love those wide sparkle eyes won’t created for crying ”, I went to bed squeezed my pillow in to my chest and from that day I chosen only to be happy .. My God is always been kind to me.

My God is magnificent I love him , I talk to him all the time , I pray to him in my heart , I believe in GOD so much , every time something happen to me I look to the sky and speak to him , from 2day I was driving and a women was trying to pass the street she was pregnant holding a plastic bag full of potatoes and a little kid in her hand , I stopped for her to pass , she looked at me and smile and in that moment I felt someone is whispering in my ears “ Thank you ” ,  I looked at the sky and said thank you , with me was about to hit the car in front of me , I said again with a funny tone talking to my God “ Okay , I’ll focus ” ..I do good I feel good I do bad I feel bad this is my religion.. This is my way of thinking.
I really don’t know who people really don’t believe that there is a GOD up there, who made this universe the creator; I really feel pity for them they never get those silent hearts filling moments. They never really feel the greatness of the creator.
I'm so happy now my figure have never been like this before my heart is so in peace Thank God for the Yoga i make always its amazing how it makes me feel flying

I am planning a trip to India soon I know I will find what I ve been searching for along of time which is a peace of mind with lots of meditations , and Yoga pauses , and practicing Ashram , and doing the Japa Malas and worrier yoga pause .. Auuuuuh I can’t wait ..

I don’t know if some one is reading this , I really don’t care , I just love to write and will always do , ..
Don’t forget to smile

Sunday, May 27, 2012

She Doesn't care

Been a while since last time I wrote a blog , I really love writing , and reading I feel when writing that I am expressing my self clearly , I feel better after writing what I feel whether it was good or bad , I have a little note pad I call it my secret keeper actually she is my own best friend , and yes she is a she since its is colored in pink and blue , I really don’t know if any one on earth is reading this at the moment , even if no body it’s the pleasure of writing its what moves me ..

Lately I had lots of ups and downs , the downs were rough tough days , but I learnt in my life that god never throw on you way something you can’t bare , I wish he didn’t trusted me that much ..
I lost people whom I though I meant something in their life , but I am not sad losing people who loses me , because I am better off without them already , and I know my value I know that I am irreplaceable .. The only thing that makes me sad believes that they are humans with a good heart...  but I still believe that after the rainy cloudy days the rainbow shines..
 I lost my puppy FOLA she died , I really loved this one so much , one day 3 years ago I was down in front of my house waiting for my mom I called her from down , the dog jumped at me though that she is near  .. Her leg was broken I ran to veteran he said he’d have to kill her, I went to another 3 doctors the last one told me he can do the surgery  , and from that moment she was a disabled dog not running around properly but she got used to that fact . She didn’t die when her leg was broken and she died while she was okay, so weird I wasn’t expecting it that’s why my heart was broken ...  Having a dog always end up painful because they get to live shorter amount of time than human do.
Today I wake up in a different spirit , I slept yesterday so late , but yet I felt so energized  I went to the kitchen I made coffee with my favorite way , the aroma was  amazing I went to get dressed , I felt different , I walked different because I made up my mind to let go any thing holding me back , I choose to forget , I choose to live happily ever after with people who deserves to be in my life , and from now one no one who brings me down will be in my life , no more bullshit from any one  , I will be the girl who I was and will always be .. No one deserve my sadness, and he or she deserves my sadness won’t make me sad. I don't care about any one but me !! that's my attitude   

Sorry I am Rebuilding my walls , and working on my smile ..

Sunday, May 13, 2012

I Know The Girl in Me

You know when you wake up not feeling good, Not Happy , not happy starting your day , I was at this mood , I started talking to my self , I kept saying nice words to my self and actually it worked quite good , sometimes when can’t find kindness in people you love and care for you’d have to love and care for your self ,, I know me and I love who I am and how I take my self serious , and I will always be the kind of person who you will catch laughing while being alone .
I know a girl that wake up in the morning trying to find every small reason to smile,
I know a girl, who is trapped in her own dreams,
I know a girl that don’t know from where to start
I know a girl who has big dreams, big goals, deep feelings, and a lot of doubts, and actually do everything at the same time.

I know a girl, who cries her self to sleep some nights because she is hurt, or thinking and thinking
I know a girl that forget and forgive,
I know a girl, who is strong but fragile,
I know a girl, who can stand alone,
I know a girl, who laugh and could make people laugh by sharing a little story from her crazy life,
I know a girl who work her ass of for a better future,
I know a girl who is tired after a big working day and still see’s that she can run for miles, which refuse to skip the gym class over an important occasion ,who missed a lot of proms ,birthdays , proposals  for carrying on with her daily running routine ..

I know a girl who loves her own smile
I know a girl who simply get satisfied by anything god throw on her way,
I know a girl who can be mad from certain people and just “I am sorry “could make her forget all the reasons
I know a girl who motivate ever human being in her life and no body motivates but the hell out of her,
I know a girl who greet stranger on the morning with a smile,
I know a girl whose kindness sometimes frustrate the shit out her,  
I know a girl who can be hurt, sad, dissatisfied and still feels that what’s coming is better.
I know a girl, who sometimes pisses me off,
I know a girl that hates it when her room in order and inspired when it’s only in mess,
I know a girl, who sings loudly in the car in the morning to wake up,
I know a girl, who thinks if they give her enough coffee she can rule the world
I know a girl that have high potentials and can’t use it cleverly
I know a girl who resists technology who is very basic to a point sometimes you think she is from the 30’s.
I know a girl who believes she is writer, swimmer, dancer, runner, and a fascinating business women and she doesn’t care whether you agree or not.
I know a girl who spend all of her money over books, coffee and personal education.
I know a girl who is never bored of her own company, who sometimes could get caught laughing her self out alone.
I know her bad and her good, I know how to cheer her and how to make her depressed, I know how to hurt her and how keep her high in the sky.  I love her in spite she frustrates me sometimes..
Its good to talk to your self, I was trying today to remember what I have good and bad, what makes me feel sad or happy and for sure you  won’t feel good about yourself all the time. Some days you will feel fat. Some days you will say and do things you aren’t proud of. Some days you will wallow on the couch eating chocolate biscuits and watching The Bachelor. Some days you will feel like a bitch that no-one would possibly want to be around.

Does that mean you don’t love yourself any more? Is self-love dependent on how you feel?
Loving yourself means believing in yourself. It’s knowing in your heart you are doing the best you can. It’s accepting that you have good days and bad days. It’s a matter of faith.
You can demonstrate all those values even if you’re not feeling good about yourself. You can watch TV in your pyjamas with integrity. You can feel fat with acceptance. You can be conscious that you are irritating yourself.
Loving yourself doesn’t always mean that you’ll feel good about yourself. Some days the love will feel like it’s dwindled or disappeared.
But you know it hasn’t. It’s waiting to come back and flood you with joy, peace and pleasure. Have faith. True love can survive anything if you want it and you make it your highest purpose.
Love is an intention, a commitment and a leap of faith. 
Have the courage to believe in it even when you can’t feel it.
Notice when it feels like it’s gone and enjoy every moment when it returns.
Because it will. Have faith.

The quote of the day :-
Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” ~ Arnold Schwarzenger
Don’t forget to smile

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Drive By

I waked up today , looked at my alarm and it was 8 :15 I already should be in the half of the way to work , uuuuuggggooooood .. When will I own a business and choose not to go because I don’t feel as going today..... I kept calling my puppy but I remembered she kicked out of the room because the doctors said don’t sleep with the dog in your room. Went to work texted my manager on my way that I will be late.. Crossing finger that when I see him he doesn’t give the attacking look  ..

I was completely powerless , energy less , and every thing less .. Yet I should go to work I think every one get to be in this condition at least one day at the week you open your eyes , you want badly to sleep and you can’t move out side your bed you can’t say good morning to anyone .. with my twin soul saying to me ; “ hey stupid you are not a kid any more grab your self and go do something ” I know when I am at this mood the day will be so busy at work , i made a cup of coffee poured it a take away cup , started driving , switched on the radio , increased the songs volume so I can wake up seriously , after the first sip I screamed “ what the fuck ”  I didn’t add sugar , again my twin voice said “come on stupid drink the thing because you need it your eyes will close out of sleep-Le-ness ” I replied back “ FINE IDIOT WILL DO ” . ..
I really wanted a good cup of coffee ..
Starting singing with the radio... and here I goo a nice song I like for Train was on , I was singing and the traffic weren’t that smooth the car window was open and I was looking in front of me singing and shaking my head as a stupid jerk  .. The song was drive by: Train , here we go the amazing lyrics
On the other side of a street I knew
Stood a girl that looked like you
I guess that's déjà vu
I thought this can't be true
'Cause you moved to west LA
Or New York or Santa Fe
Or wherever to get away from me

Oh but that one night
Was more than just right
I didn't leave you 'cause I was all through
Oh I was overwhelmed and frankly scared as hell
Because I really fell for you

Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by
Just a shy guy looking for a two-ply
Hefty bag to hold my love
When you move me everything is groovy
They don't like it sue me
Mmm the way you do me
Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by

On the upside of a downward spiral
My love for you went viral
And I loved you every mile you drove away
But now here you are again
So let's skip the "how you been"
And get down to the "more than friends" at last

Oh but that one night
Is still the highlight
I didn't need you until i came to
And I was overwhelmed and frankly scared as hell
Because I really fell for you

Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by
Just a shy guy looking for a two-ply
Hefty bag to hold my love
When you move me everything is groovy
They don't like it sue me
Mmm the way you do me
Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by

Please believe that when I leave
There's nothing up my sleeve but love for you
And a little time to get my head together too

On the other side of a street I knew
Stood a girl that looked like you
I guess that's déjà vu
But I thought this can't be true

Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by
Just a shy guy looking for a two-ply
Hefty bag to hold my love
When you move me everything is groovy
They don't like it sue me
Mmm the way you do me
Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by 
This song actually made my day; it’s nice to hear some good stuff once in a while...
I really don't know why i am writing my today blog but i just love sharing , even if no body is reading it , i'll still share ..

Don't forget to enjoy your day .. and always keep on a smile what so ever happening and Thank God for everything you have and don't have .. the best yet to come .. I believe !!