Sunday, May 27, 2012

She Doesn't care

Been a while since last time I wrote a blog , I really love writing , and reading I feel when writing that I am expressing my self clearly , I feel better after writing what I feel whether it was good or bad , I have a little note pad I call it my secret keeper actually she is my own best friend , and yes she is a she since its is colored in pink and blue , I really don’t know if any one on earth is reading this at the moment , even if no body it’s the pleasure of writing its what moves me ..

Lately I had lots of ups and downs , the downs were rough tough days , but I learnt in my life that god never throw on you way something you can’t bare , I wish he didn’t trusted me that much ..
I lost people whom I though I meant something in their life , but I am not sad losing people who loses me , because I am better off without them already , and I know my value I know that I am irreplaceable .. The only thing that makes me sad believes that they are humans with a good heart...  but I still believe that after the rainy cloudy days the rainbow shines..
 I lost my puppy FOLA she died , I really loved this one so much , one day 3 years ago I was down in front of my house waiting for my mom I called her from down , the dog jumped at me though that she is near  .. Her leg was broken I ran to veteran he said he’d have to kill her, I went to another 3 doctors the last one told me he can do the surgery  , and from that moment she was a disabled dog not running around properly but she got used to that fact . She didn’t die when her leg was broken and she died while she was okay, so weird I wasn’t expecting it that’s why my heart was broken ...  Having a dog always end up painful because they get to live shorter amount of time than human do.
Today I wake up in a different spirit , I slept yesterday so late , but yet I felt so energized  I went to the kitchen I made coffee with my favorite way , the aroma was  amazing I went to get dressed , I felt different , I walked different because I made up my mind to let go any thing holding me back , I choose to forget , I choose to live happily ever after with people who deserves to be in my life , and from now one no one who brings me down will be in my life , no more bullshit from any one  , I will be the girl who I was and will always be .. No one deserve my sadness, and he or she deserves my sadness won’t make me sad. I don't care about any one but me !! that's my attitude   

Sorry I am Rebuilding my walls , and working on my smile ..

Sunday, May 13, 2012

I Know The Girl in Me

You know when you wake up not feeling good, Not Happy , not happy starting your day , I was at this mood , I started talking to my self , I kept saying nice words to my self and actually it worked quite good , sometimes when can’t find kindness in people you love and care for you’d have to love and care for your self ,, I know me and I love who I am and how I take my self serious , and I will always be the kind of person who you will catch laughing while being alone .
I know a girl that wake up in the morning trying to find every small reason to smile,
I know a girl, who is trapped in her own dreams,
I know a girl that don’t know from where to start
I know a girl who has big dreams, big goals, deep feelings, and a lot of doubts, and actually do everything at the same time.

I know a girl, who cries her self to sleep some nights because she is hurt, or thinking and thinking
I know a girl that forget and forgive,
I know a girl, who is strong but fragile,
I know a girl, who can stand alone,
I know a girl, who laugh and could make people laugh by sharing a little story from her crazy life,
I know a girl who work her ass of for a better future,
I know a girl who is tired after a big working day and still see’s that she can run for miles, which refuse to skip the gym class over an important occasion ,who missed a lot of proms ,birthdays , proposals  for carrying on with her daily running routine ..

I know a girl who loves her own smile
I know a girl who simply get satisfied by anything god throw on her way,
I know a girl who can be mad from certain people and just “I am sorry “could make her forget all the reasons
I know a girl who motivate ever human being in her life and no body motivates but the hell out of her,
I know a girl who greet stranger on the morning with a smile,
I know a girl whose kindness sometimes frustrate the shit out her,  
I know a girl who can be hurt, sad, dissatisfied and still feels that what’s coming is better.
I know a girl, who sometimes pisses me off,
I know a girl that hates it when her room in order and inspired when it’s only in mess,
I know a girl, who sings loudly in the car in the morning to wake up,
I know a girl, who thinks if they give her enough coffee she can rule the world
I know a girl that have high potentials and can’t use it cleverly
I know a girl who resists technology who is very basic to a point sometimes you think she is from the 30’s.
I know a girl who believes she is writer, swimmer, dancer, runner, and a fascinating business women and she doesn’t care whether you agree or not.
I know a girl who spend all of her money over books, coffee and personal education.
I know a girl who is never bored of her own company, who sometimes could get caught laughing her self out alone.
I know her bad and her good, I know how to cheer her and how to make her depressed, I know how to hurt her and how keep her high in the sky.  I love her in spite she frustrates me sometimes..
Its good to talk to your self, I was trying today to remember what I have good and bad, what makes me feel sad or happy and for sure you  won’t feel good about yourself all the time. Some days you will feel fat. Some days you will say and do things you aren’t proud of. Some days you will wallow on the couch eating chocolate biscuits and watching The Bachelor. Some days you will feel like a bitch that no-one would possibly want to be around.

Does that mean you don’t love yourself any more? Is self-love dependent on how you feel?
Loving yourself means believing in yourself. It’s knowing in your heart you are doing the best you can. It’s accepting that you have good days and bad days. It’s a matter of faith.
You can demonstrate all those values even if you’re not feeling good about yourself. You can watch TV in your pyjamas with integrity. You can feel fat with acceptance. You can be conscious that you are irritating yourself.
Loving yourself doesn’t always mean that you’ll feel good about yourself. Some days the love will feel like it’s dwindled or disappeared.
But you know it hasn’t. It’s waiting to come back and flood you with joy, peace and pleasure. Have faith. True love can survive anything if you want it and you make it your highest purpose.
Love is an intention, a commitment and a leap of faith. 
Have the courage to believe in it even when you can’t feel it.
Notice when it feels like it’s gone and enjoy every moment when it returns.
Because it will. Have faith.

The quote of the day :-
Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.” ~ Arnold Schwarzenger
Don’t forget to smile

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Drive By

I waked up today , looked at my alarm and it was 8 :15 I already should be in the half of the way to work , uuuuuggggooooood .. When will I own a business and choose not to go because I don’t feel as going today..... I kept calling my puppy but I remembered she kicked out of the room because the doctors said don’t sleep with the dog in your room. Went to work texted my manager on my way that I will be late.. Crossing finger that when I see him he doesn’t give the attacking look  ..

I was completely powerless , energy less , and every thing less .. Yet I should go to work I think every one get to be in this condition at least one day at the week you open your eyes , you want badly to sleep and you can’t move out side your bed you can’t say good morning to anyone .. with my twin soul saying to me ; “ hey stupid you are not a kid any more grab your self and go do something ” I know when I am at this mood the day will be so busy at work , i made a cup of coffee poured it a take away cup , started driving , switched on the radio , increased the songs volume so I can wake up seriously , after the first sip I screamed “ what the fuck ”  I didn’t add sugar , again my twin voice said “come on stupid drink the thing because you need it your eyes will close out of sleep-Le-ness ” I replied back “ FINE IDIOT WILL DO ” . ..
I really wanted a good cup of coffee ..
Starting singing with the radio... and here I goo a nice song I like for Train was on , I was singing and the traffic weren’t that smooth the car window was open and I was looking in front of me singing and shaking my head as a stupid jerk  .. The song was drive by: Train , here we go the amazing lyrics
On the other side of a street I knew
Stood a girl that looked like you
I guess that's déjà vu
I thought this can't be true
'Cause you moved to west LA
Or New York or Santa Fe
Or wherever to get away from me

Oh but that one night
Was more than just right
I didn't leave you 'cause I was all through
Oh I was overwhelmed and frankly scared as hell
Because I really fell for you

Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by
Just a shy guy looking for a two-ply
Hefty bag to hold my love
When you move me everything is groovy
They don't like it sue me
Mmm the way you do me
Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by

On the upside of a downward spiral
My love for you went viral
And I loved you every mile you drove away
But now here you are again
So let's skip the "how you been"
And get down to the "more than friends" at last

Oh but that one night
Is still the highlight
I didn't need you until i came to
And I was overwhelmed and frankly scared as hell
Because I really fell for you

Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by
Just a shy guy looking for a two-ply
Hefty bag to hold my love
When you move me everything is groovy
They don't like it sue me
Mmm the way you do me
Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by

Please believe that when I leave
There's nothing up my sleeve but love for you
And a little time to get my head together too

On the other side of a street I knew
Stood a girl that looked like you
I guess that's déjà vu
But I thought this can't be true

Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by
Just a shy guy looking for a two-ply
Hefty bag to hold my love
When you move me everything is groovy
They don't like it sue me
Mmm the way you do me
Oh I swear to you
I'll be there for you
This is not a drive by 
This song actually made my day; it’s nice to hear some good stuff once in a while...
I really don't know why i am writing my today blog but i just love sharing , even if no body is reading it , i'll still share ..

Don't forget to enjoy your day .. and always keep on a smile what so ever happening and Thank God for everything you have and don't have .. the best yet to come .. I believe !!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

I Love to Smile

I found my self opening my eyes with my puppy hair in my mouth, I said Katy what the fuck are you doing she was walking me up to open for her the balcony to go do pepe, sure you heard about Katy before in my later blogs she is my favorite dog, she looks just like her Mom Blackly she passed away 8-8-2011,

katy always draw a big smile on my face <3

I looked at my alarm clock it was 6:30, no way to sleep again, opened the balcony and it was amazing how you look and see trees and green, birds singing, I welcomed the sun with my favorite yoga pause and I went fixed my self break fast and coffee, and kept singing it’s a new day, it’s a new life and I am feeling gooooood “Michael bubbles song”.. Wow I love this guy..
Stretched and I choose to feel good what so ever, I dressed to go do my work... I kept asking my self why do I work this job I want to be belly dance.. May be I can I weekends...
Today I saw the police officer I always greet , he said loudly “ Sabe7eeeeek zay el fool ya set el kol “ sorry I don’t know how to translate this  , I smiled back and said “ You too saba7ak helw  ” hahaha  I love how a smile can grow a great relationship even with people that you don’t know .. and then  I passed next the guy who sell tissue papers and greeted him , he raised his hands to the sky and said “ May God Guide your way with his light “ .. Ya rab yenawar tar2eeek J J you know what!!! I never gave him a penny, but you know what that’s the power of a smile…

I believe a gentle word, a kind look; a good-natured smile can work wonders and accomplish miracles.
I always recall my mother saying to me A woman whose smile is open and glad of her self has a kind of beauty no matter what she wears, and I always put on a smile what so ever happening call me crazy, call me insane I just won’t allow any one on earth to take away my smile and put on a frown on my face..

 that’s who I am and that’s how I will carry my self to till the end of my life, I am a kind of person who believe in dreams, I believe in working blady hard for what you want, I believe in aiming high and even if you didn’t go anywhere at least you will end up some where between what you want and what you need..
I believe in me, Yes I did a lot of choices that to people may seems that I am insanely ruining my chance but I don’t care I care only for my happiness I care for the near future I care for my smile I care for my self happiness, I really don’t care about what any one would think of me.. 
To a lot of people in my life I am source of positive energy, performance booster I believe that God gave every one of us a gift that will never be found in any one else you just have to search for it... And I will work hard to maintain this attitude for life... I will never lose the capacity to smile or laugh...
One of the things I read before for the legend Serena Williams the famous tennis player
I'm really exciting. I smile a lot, I win a lot, and I'm really sexy. Serena Williams
The quote of the day;
Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push. A smile. A world of optimism and hope. A "you can do it" when things are tough.
Richard M. DeVos

Don't forget to smile , and have a great Day